well i kind of had a rough childhood. i was very sick (life and death for the first like 6 years of my life) and i basically died as a kid. i was always in pain and didn’t sleep through the night until i was 7 and a half. as i got older i grew healthier, but am still in pain (like i have 50% lung compacity and it gets hard for me to breathe when i’m running, i have bad bones and they get stiff alot, i have a hearing loss etc).
as a kid, i was bullied quite a lot because i was so short and skinny for my age and i did everything late (such as talking, walking, learning to read and write etc) people in school always used to put me down and such. it was in highschool that i got truely bullied. i used to sit on the curb and eat my lunch by myself and never got together with anybody outside of school for i had no real friends. i was basically neglected in school and was afraid of becoming close with anybody. when i did become close with my best friend, he passed away at the age of 15 and that was when i was miserable (10th grade). i miss him so much still and whenever i get close to someone at school, i tend to pull away. my dreams bug the hell out of me and it’s hard for me to express my feelings.
in 11th grade it got so bad that i was even cyberbullied so bad that they had to call the cops and i switched schools (they threatened my life and my pet’s lives). at my new school, i wasn’t challenged and the kids kind of had um, issues. like they had servere learning disabilities and behavioral problems, but they were nice. i made a lot of friends my last year of highschool and i still talk to them. i even got my first boyfriend in june
.
it’s just i still have horrible nightmares and i realize i’m still having trouble getting over that. i don’t know quite what my nightmares are trying to tell me (i know they’re trying to tell me to get over the past – i’m just not sure which past it wants me to get over and what’s bothering me serverly) i did go to therapy in highschool, but now i don’t. it’s just my dreams have been really bothering me and i think too much about things. also i still am sort of afraid to get close to anyone in school. i’m starting college next year for I just graduated from highschool in may, but i’m just afraid that it will be like highschool. i have met a few people who are nice, but the people in middle school seemed like they were my friends then they all went against me so i never know.
just the littlest things bother me, like when my boyfriend doesn’t talk to me for a week or so (because his internet is down and he’s away). i have a few best friends that mean like the world to me, but they don’t go to the same school as me and what not.
So my question is, is there any way to figure out what’s really bugging me deep down? also any tips on how to get over my bad past and start fresh for college?
