I grew up with both parents smoking a lot. Diet wasn’t superhealthy, there was always a lot of sweets and rich foods around. As a kid I liked running around and exercising, but I got depressed and stopped until I was in high school. Later on I went out every night to smoky bars, and I put pressure on my heart with disordered eating (cycles of anorexic behaviour, spells of bulimia, overeating), sometimes drugs, and never enough sleep. There was always a lot of drama, too.
My weight has gone up and down by 4 stone, and is currently up. My BMI is borderline obese, and I am one ice cream away from diabetes 2. I know the sensible stuff to do, but when I’m stressed I comfort eat, and hope to start it all tomorrow. There’s been a lot of family shit, and so on. You try to cope as best you can.

Anyway, I’ve gotten more allergic to stuff and I can’t stand cigarette smoke anymore. Becoming reclusive cos everyone here smokes!

I just heard another close family member died (heart and lung failure). Heart attacks, strokes and diabetes run in the family. As does a temper, and depression. Three members of the family have also got MS, two have died prematurely of it.

We aren’t stupid, average IQ is pretty high, but really emotional people who fight a lot and compensate the totally wrong way. I try to stay away and chill out. Also I have never smoked (but had enough second hand). I want to get back to exercise and eating right, but it’s really hard. The food thing especially. I probably have to say goodbye to everything with sugar or sweeteners, for like, ever. But also a bunch of other stuff I’m reacting to, and the smoke allergy is enough of a social killer, without not being able to come over for dinner, or just sit there and feel like you’re insulting the host.

I’m just really scared now. I’m pretty masculine, and put on weight around the belly mostly, which is the dangerous weight. I do put on muscle easier than normal, which is good.
In general I think that means I have less protection from estrogen than other women, though, and my heart has been freaking out when I wake in the middle of the night. My sleep is really light, and I get insomnia and heavy fatigue.

What tips would you have to break the cycle? I feel like I am calmer without sugar and meat, but it’s hard. Please be kind, I’m just so freaked out..

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